Letting Go of “Good” and “Bad” Food: Rebuilding Trust in Your Body After Diet Culture
Explore a gentler way of relating to food and your body, especially in midlife. Learn how unlearning food rules and listening to your body’s wisdom can lead to real nourishment—beyond the diet mindset.
Rewriting the Food Story: Beyond “Good” and “Bad”
Today I had a deep and familiar conversation with a long-time friend about something that still comes up often: the idea of good food and bad food. These labels are so embedded in our culture, especially for women who’ve spent decades inside the walls of diet culture. But what if these labels are doing more harm than good?
I want to share some personal reflections and the shift I’ve experienced in how I relate to food—and my body—after years of restriction, self-judgment, and internalized shame.
When Food Becomes the Scapegoat
There was a time when I judged nearly everything I ate. If I felt bloated or uncomfortable after a meal, I would mentally review what I had eaten and blame a particular food item. That food would immediately get labeled as “bad,” and I would cut it out, believing I was listening to my body.
But the truth? I was listening to my mind—a mind that had absorbed decades of messages about thinness, discipline, and “clean” eating. My judgments were wrapped in a silent belief that if I ate “perfectly,” I would feel perfect. I expected my stomach to stay flat, my belly not to stick out, my body to remain invisible. I didn’t want anything about me—my thighs, hips, even hunger—to “stick out.”
Looking back, I now see the pattern: I wasn’t listening to my body’s wisdom—I was obeying a fear-driven narrative shaped by body image dysmorphia and the invisible rules of diet culture.
It’s Not What You Eat, It’s How You Eat It
A phrase that stuck with me during that time—especially while living in an ashram—was: “It’s not what you eat, it’s how you eat it.”
Even while eating meals that were nourishing, plant-based, and prepared with love, I still found myself restricting and judging. Why? Because I wasn’t connected to how I was eating:
I ate quickly, out of obligation or convenience.
I ate because it was “time,” not because I was hungry.
I ate with guilt, fear, or distractedness.
The food itself wasn’t good or bad. The disconnection between my body and mind is what left me feeling dissatisfied and distrustful.
From Blame to Curiosity: Rethinking Digestion and Discomfort
So many of us—especially those with a history of disordered eating or food fear—experience digestive discomfort. And while it’s easy to blame food, there may be more to the story.
Emerging research points to the impact of unresolved trauma, chronic stress, and emotional suppression on the digestive system. The gut is highly sensitive to the nervous system, and the enteric nervous system (sometimes called the “second brain”) processes not just nutrients but also emotion and stress.
(Harvard Health, 2021)
When our bodies are holding past experiences that haven’t been fully processed, physical symptoms often follow. It makes sense that our minds reach for control—blaming food feels logical. But healing often requires us to zoom out and ask deeper questions with compassion.
Let’s Talk About Processed Foods (Without Judgment)
In my conversation with my friend, I shared how I’ve come to categorize food today. Rather than good or bad, I see food along a spectrum:
Whole foods (natural, minimally processed)
Processed foods (frozen, canned, or packaged)
Ultra-processed foods (industrially made with additives)
And yes—I eat all of them. Most people do. I’m a working woman. I don’t live on a farm. I shop at grocery stores. I read labels, but I also eat things from a package. And this doesn’t make me—or anyone else—bad or unhealthy.
Food is not a moral issue. It’s a life-sustaining necessity. We are not meant to eat in fear or perfectionism. We're meant to eat with awareness, joy, and a little flexibility.
What If the Body Isn’t the Problem?
Our culture tells us our bodies are the problem. That if we just had more discipline, more willpower, more supplements—we’d finally be happy. But what if the real problem is our impatience with our bodies? Our refusal to slow down and listen?
Your body is trying to keep you alive. It digests more than food—it digests your entire life. And it needs your compassion more than your control.
So what can we do?
5 Steps to Start Healing Your Relationship with Food & Body
Stop labeling food as good or bad.
Instead, notice how food makes you feel—without judgment or jumping to conclusions.Slow down and check in.
Eat when you’re hungry. Pause mid-meal. Tune in afterward. Make space for subtle body cues.Remember that food isn’t the enemy.
Your symptoms may be real, but food may not be the only cause. Get curious, not controlling.Acknowledge the mystery.
Some things in the body can’t be figured out right away—and that’s okay. Let uncertainty soften you, not scare you.Offer your body time and tenderness.
Healing doesn’t happen in a hurry. Neither does trust. Let your body lead the way.
Final Thoughts: A More Human Relationship with Food
We don’t live in a utopia where everyone grows, cooks, and eats together with ease. We live in a world where people are busy, tired, scared, and healing. And we eat in that world.
But we can begin to build a more humane relationship with food—one that doesn’t demand perfection but offers presence. One that doesn't punish, but nourishes.
And maybe it starts right here—with one simple shift: stop calling food good or bad.
Instead, call it what it is: food. And give yourself permission to be human.
